You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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