i jhust puked up my retainher.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
