I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
