I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
