I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize