maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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