don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
