I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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