Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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