i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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