I hate your face
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Everclear isn't food dammit
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
