They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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