I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
