This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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