so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dear god my vagina.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
