Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I need to stop coming to work sober
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
