so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Green mimosas i think yes
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
