you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
