I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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