is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
