I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i will never coherently bang her
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
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