I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
