They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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