i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize