If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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