I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
