Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
