If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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