JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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