My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize