why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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