I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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