we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
