And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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