when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
