Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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