he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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