I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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