Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
