I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
