I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
