This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
