Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think people are normalizing furries
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
