Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
how does that bad decision feel?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
