it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
