I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
