We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
