He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize