too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
where does the pee come out of this thing
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
