But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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