Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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