You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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