it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
