He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
