A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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