Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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