You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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