How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
