She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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