you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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