You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize