you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
