This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
