I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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