how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
